Email Breakup with Boyfriend / Girlfriend

THERESA

Customer Service
Dear _____,

I have decided that we can no longer see each other for several reasons.

(choose phrases to copy and paste from the list below)

-My cat and I had a long conversation the other night and he/she decided that you are not the one for me. (you have never seen my cat because it is invisible...DUH)

-Your breath is kickin' and I just can't take it anymore. (ever heard of floss?)

-I had a long conversation with all of the voices in my head. I was vetoed. It was unanimous, they all think you suck.

-dating you is like dating my mother/father they always told me what to do and what time to go to bed also. (matter of fact, my mother/father told me to break up with you)

-I am sick of your fart jokes. They were funny in 6th grade.

-I am already sick of your annoying little habits, it will only get much worse.

-You look at me when I type my passwords.

-I have decided that you are NOT all that and a bag of chips.

-I am in the process of being abducted by aliens and do not want to put you in harm's way.

-You can't afford my caviar lifestyle on your Old Milwaukee paycheck.

-You told me that you were black/white when we started dating, you lied to me. Our whole relationship was built on lies.

-You voted for Obama/McCain.

-You have an std and in this case, I am NOT interested in the gift that keeps on giving.

-I never told you this, but I view relationships like cars. Every few years, you have to trade the old worn out one for a shiny new one.

-You're ugly, and your mother dresses you funny.

All the best,______________
 

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